Ladies, the Golden Bear is just trying his best. Gentlemen, go fuck yourselves.
I am a bear with golden ears and golden paws. I am a bear that is golden and friendly and polite around others. I am a bear who smiles and gives high fives. I am a bear who sometimes breaks tables.
The kids love a high-fiving table breaking bear. The watch me on their TV's and they see all my golden fur and they want to be me. Their mothers let them watch because I am an adorable bear that preaches about family values, honesty, and solving conflicts peacefully. I am a welcome change from the rest of the mystic world of simulated violence and money that lies at the heart of the wrestling industry.
And I am a way better role model than Darryl "I hit nine home runs today so I am going to snort nine lines off the bare asses of nine different prostitutes in celebration" Strawberry.
In conclusion. I believe that I deserve a title shot. I am going to get one. Even if that means chasing the Industry across this country, I am getting my title shot. I am winning my belt. It's gold and I am golden.
Adorably,
-Cpt. Candor
-Sul. Sincerity
-Gen. Genuineness
(...tHegolDenbEAr?)
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3 comments:
when you rearrange letters in "the golden bear," it spells "hero tgldenbea."
those are big words coming from someone who shits in the woods, golden bear
Fat Possum Records is "trying [their] best."
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